Oh! So you are a total Douche?

(This is the follow up post to “The Tryout Date that lead to a Double Booking”)

My 1st date with Cute New Guy had gone pretty good … But so were my other dates with the Sexy Friend, like REALLY good. I was actually hitting it off well … with both of them. Hmmmmm decisions, decisions. I decided I’ll hang out with both until I know for sure who I like. After all I’ve only been on a few dates with each of them.

Last week Cute New Guy invites me out to his area to try some new restaurant for our third date. I head out to BFE looking cute, parking 9 blocks away and having to make a hike up a hill in heels just to get to his place. Note to self: This guy maybe geographically undesirable … OK totally undesirable! His parking options BLOW! After a bit of him lagging on being ready we get in his car and head to the restaurant. We are about to pull into Valet and he sees a pregnant woman crossing the drive way. It was a hot day out and her shirt had come about half way up her belly. And he looks at me and says “Ewww! I just think it’s gross when people let themselves go like that!” to which I reply “….ummm she’s pregnant!” and he proceeds to apologize. Now I’m thinking … hmmm this guy maybe a bit off, maybe he isn’t that shallow? Maybe guys just assume all preggers woman are “letting themselves go”? FTW!

We get our grub and drink on. We have been out 3 times now so we start getting into some interesting relationship talks. I ask him “What are your top 5 relationship deal breakers?” he lists the usual until he gets to number 5 where he says … “and 5 is overweight”. OK so I am trying to be understanding … I’m not naive. All people have their weight limits which basically comes down to attraction. For example I could never date a guy with hair as long as mine, i’m just not attracted to the long haired head bangers. “What do you mean overweight? Like she gains 15 pounds or … 75 plus?” After all I had just heard this guy describe a pregnant woman as letting herself go. “don’t worry, nowhere near you … your hot!”

OK I need to throw in some back story here. I lost about 20 pounds a bit over a year ago. I have this rule … if you didn’t like me then and hit on me now, I won’t date you. I want someone who loves me for me. If you knew me then and the only reason you didn’t like me was because I was chubby … then you can’t get at me now. I want a guy who thinks I’m cutest in his T-Shirt without any makeup on , wearing my glasses while i sit on the couch watching some cheesy Science Fiction movie. I also want a guy who wouldn’t think I was letting my self go by carrying his child and god forbid it took me 8 months to take the baby weight of VS 3 weeks like it seems to in Us Weekly.

So I relay this story to him about the weight I lost … pretty much trying to convey to him that he is saying about a year ago he would have never been on this date, so maybe he should think how he words things. He then goes right into some story about how a friend of his ex girlfriend once heard him call her a “fat ass”. She broke up with his friend, lost a ton of weight and then Cute New Guy proceeded to hit on her, once she got skinny. They actually hooked up and she thanked him for calling her a “fat ass”. Hmmmm … oddly I would have had a different reaction. I would have bit his cock. Don’t call me a fat ass … then hit on me when I lose weight, it’s just tacky! But to each their own. He concluded the story with “I’m not coming off as shallow, am i?” Actually bro … you are.

I tried to give this guy a break … and hope that it was the wine letting him say things that people either A) don’t think or B) at least don’t say out loud!! I gave myself a day to think about it. I realized that’s not what I’m looking for. But i had figured this out REALLY quickly but was trying not to be hasty since i am notorious for that. I want someone who likes me for me …. And granted he didn’t have a chance to do that yet and MAYBE his views would have changed if he had … nah! I doubt it … I heard that’s why he broke up with his last chick. She had some gained weight. Who the hell wants to ever worry about sucking it in during sex?? I pretty much stopped contact.

Cut to about two weeks later:
I get a text saying “Can we talk?” from Cute New Guy. Ummm Sure … ::weird:: , I usually only get texts like that from pissed of boyfriends or from my girlfriends who are just clarifying I have the time at that moment to listen to them sob over a totally unrelated Douche Bag. I call him. He says he has been meaning to talk to me because he wants to clear some things up. You see he is looking to settle down and he thinks because I have so many friends and go to so many cool places, he may bore me. You see he is looking for marriage and children and he isn’t sure if I’m on the same page. Especially with the life style I live. Taxi Cab Light On Much?

I’m sorry I was unaware I was suppose to sit on my ass waiting for a boyfriend. Not have great friends, see exciting things, go to new destinations, etc. God forbid i have a life … that BTW includes eating food!

So I just agreed with him … I think we were seeking a mutual blow off. I just didn’t realize we needed to have a “talk” to do that. We had only been out a few times. I hadn’t made any sort of contact for awhile! Why you gotta make it so damn awkward?!? Then he actually sealed the deal for me …(not like my mind wasn’t already made up about this guy 3 weeks prior) … he asked if I was going to delete him from my friends on MySpace? Really …. In real life??

Thank god my dates are going great with Sexy Friend and had less than 5 min to think about some guy actually asking me if I was going to un-friend him because he thinks I’m not ready to marry him and bear his children after 3 dates.

I’m SO un-friending him! I Kid! …. No i don’t.

:::Note to my Dear Friend::: I had a friend tell me not to go out on a date this guy. I didn’t listen to her … and this blog is a confession of that. I will NEVER doubt her again. She obviously has excellent Douche Radar!

Related posts:

1. The Tryout Date that lead to a Double Booking
2. Things I have learned from the Land O’ Porn

Tags: Dating, Douche Bag, Guys, Life in Pornoland, My so called strange life